


Again

by sundaymorningloves



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confessions, Conversations, Friendship/Love, Light Angst, M/M, POV Akaashi Keiji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:42:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24455377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundaymorningloves/pseuds/sundaymorningloves
Summary: “Can I ask you something?” he said, a quiet curiosity in his voice.“Shoot.”“Are you over me?”_________Bokuto and Akaashi attend a wedding, and get the chance to talk about feelings left hanging.Realizations, love, and above all, friendship.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	Again

“Why did you write me that letter?”

“I… don’t know. I just felt like I had to tell you. And don’t get me wrong, I never even thought that you would answer. It was just something I had to do, something I had to tell you. I never expected anything.” I took a long drag off my cigarette. 

“Yeah… that’s what I don’t get. I mean, usually people confess because they want to know if the other feels the same way, right?” I can feel his gaze on me.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t need to confess to know that.”

“What do you mean?”

I smiled at him briefly.

“I don’t need to ask you to know that you have no feelings for me, whatsoever. I guess… I guess I wanted to let your insecure ass know that someone else can fall in love with you. That you are capable of that. Of making someone want to be with you.”

“Oh.” He lit a stick and blew away the smoke, looking up at the sky. 

The silence hangs over us. It was not an awkward silence, but not exactly a comfortable one. It was… a pause. A reprieve, a chance for both of us to gather our thoughts, string together words that we are not quite sure we want to say out loud. And yet, none of us moved. 

“Can I ask you something?” he said, a quiet curiosity in his voice.

“Shoot.”

“Are you over me?” 

I laughed. He was looking at me, slight shock in his face. I tried to catch my breath, before answering him.

“Why are you asking?” I said, smiling.

“Just… can you answer me first?”

“Yeah,” I said. I don’t even know why I’m telling him this but well, he asked.

“How did you know?”

“Well,” I started. I have to say this correctly so he wouldn’t take it the wrong way.

“Remember how much we used to talk in college? And how, somehow we kind of drifted apart after that?” I took a deep breath before I continued.

“And then occasionally we would talk, then one thing led to another and we were planning a trip with the others.” The memory was so vivid to me, and glancing at him, he knew what I was talking about.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but… I just realized that the person I was when I fell in love with the person you were… is different from who I am now. I’ve changed, you’ve changed, and not in a bad way. Just… different.” I looked at him, hoping he understood the point I was trying to make.

I took a drag off my cigarette.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “Thank you. For telling me all that.”

I smiled at him. “No problem.”

“Why did we ever stop talking?” He said, looking at me with a slight smile on his lips.

“Well, I have a theory,” I said, smirking. “Do you want to hear it?”

“Sure.”

“Okay,” I said, as I exhaled smoke. “I think at one point, you realized that maybe I had feelings for you. But being the insecure person that you are, you didn’t want to assume anything so you just avoided me as much as was acceptable. And the circumstances were perfect—we were out of college, meeting up entailed effort on both our ends, so it was perfectly natural to not keep in touch as much.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He said quietly.

“You do know that I never wanted to stop talking to you, right?” I said, looking at him.

“Really? Even when, you know…”

“What?”

“Even when I was asking you advise about her?” he said really quietly, I almost didn’t hear it.

“Yes,” I said, meeting his eyes. “You were, and will always be my friend first. So if you need advise, I will give it to you. No questions asked.”

“But,” he said, looking away from me. “What do you get out of it? I don’t understand how you can do that.”

“Nothing. I get nothing. Because I don’t need anything.” I crushed the cigarette with my foot.

“Didn’t it… hurt?” he said, voice almost a whisper.

“It did, yeah,” I said. I won’t deny it, not after everything I’ve already said to him. “But it was something I got used to. I told you, I’ve always known that we will never be.” I lit another cigarette.

“How can you just say that like it’s nothing? How were you so sure?” he looked at me quizically.

“I’m not the type of person people fall in love with.”

He stared at me. “What? What do you mean?”

“I have friends,” I said, taking a deep drag. “It seems that people want to be my friend, and I would like to think my friends love me. But, people don’t fall in love with me. I’m not boyfriend material, plain and simple.”

“That’s ridiculous,” he scoffed. “How can you even think that?”

“Hey, don’t get me wrong. That fact doesn’t make me sad or whatever. It’s as good as saying that water is wet. I’ve never had a boyfriend, never had a date, never been kissed. What other evidence do I need? I’m just not the type, and I’m perfectly fine with it.” I smiled at him.

“How can you be fine with it? Don’t you want to experience that?”

“I do,” I said. I looked up at the sky. The night sky was clear, the stars were out. “Especially when I’m with couple friends, or weddings like this. But I need to manage my expectations. I used to pine for that, but now I’ve accepted that it’s a very real possibility that no one is out there for me. And it’s perfectly fine with me. I am comfortable enough with myself to know that I am okay to be alone, that I don’t need someone else to make me happy—that I can find my own happiness. If there’s someone, then it’s a surprise I will welcome.”

“Wow,” he said. “I really missed talking to you, you know.” He looked at me, a soft smile on his face.

“Me too,” I said.

“We should do this more often,” he said, looking back at the sky. “Again.”

I smiled. I know this kind of night will never happen again. This kind of conversation—honest, no holds barred, soul-baring—will never happen again between us. I’m just glad it did.

“We should,” I said, smiling at the sky. We should.

**Author's Note:**

> First fic! Thank you to my platonic soulmate for being my beta reader <3 Kudos and comments are much much appreciated <3


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